So, it's time for an update for anyone who's interested in my travels...

America has been fantastic to me this time around. I spent a few days in Austin, Texas, before the tour kicked off with some friends I work with. For anyone who has been to Austin, you’d know it's a cool place full of great bars and plenty of bands that sound exactly like an early 1990’s Jim Beam advertisement. Seriously.

Now, going out for twisted people isn't enough. If twisted people don't get their 'weird shit' fix, they will realize how depressed they are and eventually get drunk enough to kill a blind elderly person in a bar fight... only to realize they were on the couch at home the whole time, waking up only because their housemate has to move them from the hallway after pissing their pants in a deep, alcoholic slumber.

So, to avoid the whole scene above, my friend and I thought it would be a great idea to say that we were children's toy manufacturers who were stopping over in Austin to discuss a plan to put some sort of subconscious mind-control into kids toys. We really upset some people with that. Also, due to my friend being a pretty, single girl, we drew a small crowd. I wigged and started asking people if they believed in Jesus to freak them out. Then just as the freaks were ready to burn... my friend just started yelling 'Penis' at the duelling piano players on the stage. GENIUS. This would've gotten anyone knocked out, but seeing as she is an attractive young woman, they assumed she had some mental problems and we escaped into the night. With the weirdness of the bar fading away, so to did the memory of the strange toy manufacturers.

From Austin, I flew to Dallas to kick off the tour with everyone’s favourite Texan, Ben Kweller. I got there early, so I spent the day sitting on the grassy knoll reading a cracking book. Great stuff. Later in the day, I met up with the crew who I would be spending nearly the next two months with. Lucky for me they are all great people on a fantastic bus. 'Casino' as the bus is named is a five-star, luxury tour bus. I can't believe that I'm on this thing. It's bigger than my house. It has TWO toilets, a lounge, cable, internet, 10 beds, a kitchen, a fridge and a driver! Not to mention Ben has his lovely wife and kid on tour, so it's rated PG. That's a good thing.

What's different about this tour is this:

Instead of waking up half-dead on a random floor with your face next to your lead guitarist's arse, you sleep on the bus. So, before you have a chance to engage in any post-show antics, the bus leaves. You literally finish the set, get on the bus and the driver drives the bus/palace to the next city while you sleep. SO YOU CAN'T DO STUPID THINGS THAT YOU, OR YOUR INCREDIBLY PATIENT MANAGEMENT HAVE TO FIX/REPAIR/KILL/BURY THE NEXT DAY. Great stuff.

The next album is coming along. I have all the songs, I just need to get the studio happening and a bunch of other crap that you don't really care about. I won't bore you with the details on all the shows, but I will tell you with complete honesty that the crowds have been brilliant and the shows have been great. My manager types tell me plenty of these 'digital compact disk' things are getting sold. So it will be no time at all and I should be hanging out with my three French lingerie-model-wives on my record setting maxi-yacht. Right?

Right?

Right.

Whitley.x